King... of the A-Holes

Last Saturday, Mike and Buffe143 went to the Nets v Knicks game at Madison Square Garden.  At some point, Bernard King must have come up, either in an old highlight reel, in conversation with Mike or maybe even in person at the Garden.  Because on her site, Buffe143 wrote "Booooooooo Bernard King!!! Hate him!!"

For those that don't know, Bernard King is one of the NBA's great all time scorers and one of the best players of the 1980s.  To my knowledge, Bernard was not known to raise much controversy off the court like today's players.  But little did I know that King has an ego to match his name.

After questioning her hatred for King, Buffe143 - who works in the hospitality industry - gave a very politically correct answer.  She simply said there as an incident while checking him in a while back.  Some of Buffe143's old co-workers weren't quite as cryptic in the comments they added to the conversation.  Still days later people are adding their own Bernard King-in-the-hotel horror stories on topics including wife beating, the infamous "do you know who I am?!?!?" statement, fear of making room deliveries alone and even something about transvestite hookers.

Bernard King was never my favorite player, but I remember watching him in the mid-80s with the Knicks, and toward the end of his career with the Nets.  Never would I have guessed that he was such a jerk.  That was the most eye opening comment thread I've ever seen.

Breakfast Extravaganza

Today was a cooking extravaganza (at least by my standards).  It started last week when I had a hankerin' for for home fries.  This was a hankerin' time could not satiate so they carried over to today.  But searching the www reveals quite a controversy over the best way to prepare home fries.  For example, Rachel Ray says to do them in the oven, Emeril Lagasse says they should be parboiled, and Bobby Flay just throws them straight into a skillet.

So in light of all this debate, I turned to a Cook's Illustrated Cookbook that Melissa has.  The great thing about this book is that they try recipes a bunch of different ways and explain the pros and cons of each until they settle on the best.  We've cooked several things out of this and each of been very good.  They agree with Emeril, so I would parboil them first, then throw them in the skillet for finishing.

The home fries are a side dish.  For the main course Melissa wanted pancakes.  Like home fries, everyone has their own "the best pancakes ever" recipe.  Melissa wanted to try one that her parents have been making using whole wheat flour, oatmeal and oat bran (good thing the plumber confirmed the toilets are in working order early this week).

Pancakes are quick, but boiling potatoes is going to take some time, so I needed an appetizer.  We bought a pineapple earlier this week and I thought grilling them would be tasty.  I kind of combined a bunch of recipes from around the web and ended up slathering them with a 2-to-1 honey and lemon juice mix with a dash of hot sauce.  I put them on the George Foreman Grill rather than the real grill.  The lack of grill marks made them less attractive than I wanted, but no less tasty.  They would make a good dessert with some ice cream and angel food cake too.

Here's where the real cooking started.  I had four things to make at the same time: The potatoes, pancakes, a blueberry-lemon syrup and bacon.  Why bacon?  Why not bacon?!?!  It makes everything better.  Specifically it serves two purposes here: first, I needed some protein (no, I don't think that's a stretch.  Meat protein, right?).  Second, I was trying to think of a way to jazz up the potatoes a bit.  My solution was to substitute the bacon drippings for the potatoes recipe's canola oil.  Hhhhmmmm, bacon grease.

I was a little concerned about managing so many dishes.  To help, I jotted down some recipe notes on a piece of paper and taped it to the cabinet right in front of me.  It provided the measurements, key instructions and itinerary right there so I didn't have to leave my station.  As a result, I think it all went pretty good.  The only problem was the potatoes.  Despite all the testing at Cook's Illustrated kitchens, the potatoes weren't nearly ready when they should have been.  Melissa came to the rescue, telling me to add a little water to the skillet and cover it for a few minutes.  That saved the potatoes and allowed me to serve everything at the same time.

Melissa said it was my best breakfast yet.  With bacon and potatoes, how could it not be?  The final tally:

• Sweet and Spicy Grilled Pineapple - 4 stars
• Bacon Fried Home Fries* - 5 stars
• Plain and Simple Bacon - 4.5 stars (doing bacon in the oven takes a lot longer than the microwave, but its worth it)
• Oats and Bran Pancakes* - 5 stars
• Blueberry Citrus Syrup* - 4.5 starts

Was she being a little generous?  Who cares!  I'm taking what I can get.

A quick note about the rest of the weekend - I finished part one of the latest home repair project and will being working on the video.  

* These recipes are not available on the web.  To protect against copyright infringement, let me know if you'd like me to email you the recipes.

Another Home Improvement Video

Over a year ago, I posted the now infamous Door Repair trailer.  And still to this day not a discussion about ITWOP takes place without someone asking me what happened to the full feature.  Truth be told, I did work on it... a lot!  The problem was that the trailer was better than the full movie.  The entertainment value was in my screw ups and frustration (which the trailer showed), not in me finally getting the door repaired (which was basically the rest of the movie).  To improve the final product, I tried adding in a lot of cool editing.  But as I mentioned in the FAQs that followed, Windows Movie Maker is kind of clunky.  Now - fifteen months later - it remains unseen, perhaps to be uncovered after my death and hailed as my true masterpiece.

But until that time, I unwittingly began work on another home improvement video.  I'm going on record now to set expectations low rather than add to the posthumous treasure trove I'm building.  The only preview you're going to get is:

• I will be wet
• I will be dirty
• I will inevitably screw something up

And if I don't have at least the repair done by this weekend, I'll probably be sleeping on the couch.

Responding to the Pressure

As if cooking for Melissa and I weren't enough, we had Melissa's whole family for SSSS today.  We went out to a restaurant near our town last night to celebrate Brutus Buckeye's and MIL's birthday.  They all slept over, so I had a table of seven to feed this morning.

This crew severely limits your menu options.  FIL and K can't eat nuts, which axed one of the dishes I planned to make before knowing that the family was staying over.  And Brutus Buckeye won't eat bananas, melons and other soft, "mushy" food, so several side dish options were out.  For the side dish, I decided to go with the tried and true cinnamon bruschetta with marscapone and strawberries, which all seemed to like.

Melissa also decided that she wanted muffins, so I made my first attempt at baking.  She found a recipe from Barefoot Contessa that she wanted me to use.  Personally, I can't stand Barefoot Contessa - I think she's incredibly pretentious - but this recipe seemed simple enough.  I went for it and, with a little help from Melissa, think I nailed it.  Everyone else seemed to like them to, giving the muffins 5 stars.

For the main course, I originally planned to make a frittata, but decided that wouldn't work with so many mouths to feed.  Instead I found a sausage and leeks casserole recipe that sounded good and went for it.  I was able to prepare it the night before and just throw it in the oven this morning, which was nice because it gave me more time to entertain the guests.  I cut back on the heat just a little by reducing the cayenne a tad and using monteray jack instead of pepper jack, and cooked it covered for most of the time to prevent the top from burning.  Everyone, including myself, seemed to think it was pretty damn good!  The leeks added a nice subtle flavor and the spice was just right.  The consensus was 4.5 stars for the casserole.

All in all, this is a good and mostly uneventful meal despite the pressure of a full table.  Finally!

Thanks to Brutus Buckeye for the presentation assist.

Where's the Jamaican Bobsledders When We Need Them?

In 2008, Melissa and I had a great time watching the Olympics.  Whenever we had a free minute we'd flip on whatever event was being televised and were riveted. The 2010 Winter Olympics?  Not so much.

Maybe it's because they don't have the standout story.  Apolo Anton Ono and Lindsey Jacobellis don't exactly have the panache of Michael Phelps and Usain Bolt.

Or maybe its because they haven't started the premiere events yet. Ice hockey doesn't heat up until the weekend and women's figure skating won't start until next week.

But mainly I think its because the sports - for the most part - are stupid.  I can already see the daggers flying from my Scandinavian followers,  but I'm standing by my statement.

Let's think about some of these sports:

• Biathlon - cross-country skiing combined with rifle shooting.  Is this a sport or an episode of Survivorman?
• Nordic Combine - It would be much more interesting if the ski jumps took place after the cross country skiing rather than before so that these people were trying to land 140m jumps with jello legs.
• Curling - come on.  I mean, once the kitsch value wears off... come on!?!?!? 
• Cross Country Skiing - Geez Louise, enough with the cross country skiing already!

Perhaps it's different in other countries.  Does the bobsled team captain get the head cheerleader in the Norwegian version of Sweet Valley High?  Do Swedish kids rush home from school to meet their friends for some skeleton?  Is it a diss in the Ukraine if you get picked last in the short track speed skating relay pickup game?

In my humble opinion, I think they need to add in more "everyday" winter sports - snowball fights and best yellow snow penmanship.

Want Some Cheese with Those Pancakes?

I've had a few tough weeks recently when it comes to my SSSS, plus it is Valentine's Day so the pressure was really on this morning.  I decided I had to scale back a little bit, go back to basics.  Unfortunately, I've screwed up the basics pretty good too.

Since it is Valentine's Day I had to do something a) chocolaty, and b) showy.  To accomplish the former while still staying basic, I went with chocolate chip pancakes.  I used the Joy of Cooking pancake recipe Brutus Buckeye sent me.  But I did 2 parts whole wheat flour to 1 part white flour to make it a little more healthful and added in the chips.

And checking off the latter objective was all about the presentation.  Check out those strawberries - how incredibly cheesy, huh?  But isn't that what Valentine's Day is all about: extravagant, unnecessary displays of emotion?  It was supposed to be even more ridiculous - on this pancake I tried to place the chips in the batter by hand in the shape of a heart and was going to do the whipped cream in the shape of an arrow.  But the chip design didn't work out and I learned that placing them into the batter when it's already on the skillet will burn the chocolate.  Oh well, it still looked pretty darn good in my opinion and the rest of the cakes had the chips mixed in beforehand.  The pancakes get 4.5 stars, and the presentation gets a cameo on the Lifetime channel.

The pancakes were only intended to be the showy appetizer.  I wanted to add some protein, so I made up a simple sandwich.  I buttered and then grilled some sourdough bread, fried some eggs and dropped maple ham and swiss cheese on top.  Although simple, it was pretty delicious - 4 stars, mainly because the bread was fantastic.


I hope everyone out there in ITWOP Nation has a very happy Valentine's Day.

Pinko Commie Rag

No, I'm not talking about the New York Times.

Watching the Vancouver opening ceremonies last night, I thought it was a tremendous letdown after the Beijing opening ceremonies.  It wasn't until this morning that I realized we were all dupped by what was communist propaganda.

Vancouver featured a bunch of individual spotlight performances.  For example, during the fiddler bit each fiddler got his or her own solo.  The kid that flew through the plains was flying alone.  Even the flying skiers were few and far between.  It was all about the individual's expression.

By comparison, Beijing featured hundreds of people acting in unison.  And it was amazing!  It was a spectacle that truly raised the bar for all future performances.  But from what I remember, there were few if any standout individual performances.  Beijing was all about the masses contributing to the whole.

Coincidence?  I don't think so.  We're on to you Hu Jintao!